When I’m sipping coffee in a café I’m sure I look like the picture of calm. I might seem to be leisurely surfing the internet on my laptop or writing poetry in my Moleskine notebook, but I only wish that were true! Outward appearances are often deceiving.
That laptop? I’m usually doing homework for one of my graduate courses, proofreading a fact sheet for my office, doing a devotional for my small group, filling out FAFSA forms for my son, researching senior living establishments for my elderly father, or paying bills online. The notebook is full of grocery items and to-do lists, sketches for the mural I’ll soon be painting in my grandson’s new bedroom, ideas for blog posts, and … well, you get the idea.
Yes, I’m a member of the “sandwich generation” and some days I feel like someone has taken a big ol' bite out of me. I was a working mom when my kids were small and I thought I was busy then, but that was nothing compared to now. Back in those days I came home from work and tended to my home and family. Now I have increased responsibility at work that means longer hours, family in four different homes, and a husband who now travels one to two weeks a month. That means I get to mow the grass and fix toilets now too. Hoorah!
Don’t get me wrong. I have a great life. My daughter and son are mostly grown, but we’re a close family so they are still very much in my daily life. In fact my daughter, her husband, two dogs, one cat, and two-year-old Lincoln are living with us for a few months while their new house is being built. My son skipped college because he wanted to do something exciting; he went to dive school for a year and became a commercial diver. After three years he decided he didn’t want to be diving into freezing rivers when he was 50, so he is back in college. He will be home for the summer so I’ll have another victim to film for my media class. The hustle and bustle of a full house is back.
It’s no longer quiet when I get home from work, but I realize that I missed having people to greet me when I arrive. It’s especially enjoyable to have a little guy around full time. I love seeing Lincoln’s huge adoring smile when he runs to hug me as I walk in the door, and the worst day turns around when I hear his rendition of Itsy Bitsy Spider. There’s no negotiating with a toddler however. Should we watch my instructor’s lecture or Super Why? Super Why wins every time.
Dealing with an 86-year-old man is not much different. My dad likes things his way too. My stepmother died about nine months ago and he has become increasingly depressed, lonely and dependent on me. But unlike Lincoln, when he doesn’t want to do what I want him to, I can’t pick him up like a sack of potatoes and make him go where I say. Dad lives nearly 300 miles from our home so it’s difficult to visit more than once a month. We have plenty of room in our home so I try to get him to come here and visit for a few weeks, but he insists that I come there because he is more comfortable in his house. “Your work gives you vacation time, don’t they,” he always says. So I go.
Of course, when I get there, he chides me that he never gets to see Lincoln. I bring him occasionally, but my daughter is a nurse who works weekends, so if Lincoln comes, it’s me in a car alone for nearly five hours with a toddler. That’s not my idea of a vacation. After my dad greets the little booger for five minutes he goes back to his Cubs game, I spend the rest of the weekend chasing Lincoln away from shelves loaded with breakables and ash trays with burning cigarettes. I’m working on getting Dad to move to a senior center in our town. It’s slow going, but I think I am wearing him down, mainly because he is hungry!
Dad has no culinary skills; he once tried to cook a Hot Pocket, still in its plastic wrapper, in a pan on the stove and he told me he won’t buy lettuce from Krogers because it is too hard – it was cabbage. I signed him up for Meals on Wheels, but he cancelled it after one day saying they gave him broccoli and he doesn’t like broccoli. Although I am definitely not a cook, I ensure that I make all his favorites when I go see him to entice him back to Ohio where I call home.
I know that many people will hear Ohio and think that is has to be the most boring place in the world. So far, that has never been the case for me. I followed my husband all over the US and the world during his Air Force career and every day for me is still full. I’m looking forward to old age when I will finally be able to surf the web for fun and maybe even write poetry. Boredom sounds wonderful to me.
@Mimi's Muse -
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this bio. I can especially relate to the stories of your father. When I moved to Philadelphia eight years ago, I had to leave my aging grandmother back home in North Carolina. As she aged, it was harder and harder to care for her from such a long distance. I know how tough it is, how much you want to be nearer to him and how an aging person's stubbornness and complacency in their own surroundings can make moving them from 300 miles away nearly impossible.
Your use of active voice makes it very easy to stay engaged with your writing. Phrases like "chasing Lincoln away from shelves loaded with breakables and ash trays with burning cigarettes" allow me to visualize this obviously curious little guy running around, trying to touch everything possible with you following behind saying, "no". It's amusing and tiring at the same time, I suppose.
I also like the way you come full circle in your writing. You start at the cafe and talk about how onlookers may think you are leisurely surfing the web. Then you end your writing with your dreams of one day being 'bored' and doing exactly that - leisurely surfing the web.
Your use of personal voice also allows me insight into your hectic life and shares details that help me realize what all you have going on. Wow, you have a full plate!
Great writing!
After reading this, it's safe to say that we are at different points in our lives but the fact that your writing touched me - a 29-year old, unmarried, slow-to-grow-up male who still allows people eight years his junior to punch him in the face to prepare for cage fights - on a personal level is a testament to the quality of your writing. Your writing has a distinct Erma Bombeck feel. You lead a mostly-pleasant life and try to laugh at the hardships. You're honest approach to storytelling drew me right in. I was immediately interested in finishing the selection just to get a better grasp of who you are. Your subtle setting of the scene - a packed house in Ohio - is perfect and not overstated. I'm interested to learn more about life, your life, in Ohio as I have never been to that corner of the country. On the technical side, and I am no expert, you seem to have strong mechanics. Great job all around. Look forward to further reads as the summer progresses.
ReplyDeleteHi Mimi,
ReplyDeleteI love the voice in this post. You engage the reader with the image of you sitting “calmly” at your laptop, and offer some great details on why your life is not so calm, after all. Your examples are specific and relatable; “proofreading a fact sheet for my office, doing a devotional for my small group, filling out FAFSA forms for my son, researching senior living establishments for my elderly father.” These give us some excellent snapshots into what we do not see on the surface.
I also noticed that you have a clean writing style – not too many adverbs or adjectives cluttering your sentences, which makes for an easy read. You have a busy, often-hectic life, but I never get the sense you’re complaining here. You “have a great life,” you say. There exudes a certain strength in that attitude that draws me in and makes me want to keep reading.
My favorite section was the paragraph in which you talk about your father’s personality. “He once tried to cook a Hot Pocket, still in its plastic wrapper, in a pan on the stove and he told me he won’t buy lettuce from Krogers because it is too hard – it was cabbage.” These details make us at once roll our eyes and smile with recognition, because we all know someone like that. Great job.
With the quality details used throughout this piece, you don’t need to “tell” what you have already “shown” us. For example, in your first paragraph you say, “…but I only wish that were true! Outward appearances are often deceiving.” You imply the deception when you say that you “wish it were true.” The last sentence is expository fluff. You don’t need it.
The last paragraph about Ohio seems a bit disjointed from the rest of the piece. Your busy life has more to do with your work and family than the fact that you live in Ohio, right? I wanted to hear more about them, or maybe have the piece circle back to you sitting in the café – paddling furiously under the water, but maintaining calm on the surface.
Judging from your reflection on the class blog, you know what else I want to constructively criticize. The problem with this “bio with a twist” is that you don’t talk about yourself. You talk about everyone around you. I sense that you’re used to putting others ahead of yourself. You focus on them, and so you instinctively tell their stories first. Don’t be afraid to talk about yourself. Sometimes it helps to narrow your focus. For example, tell us more about the day he cancelled Meals on Wheels. Tell us not just what he said, but what you said and felt. Zinsser says that “writing is an act of the ego.” He’s right.
I enjoyed “meeting” you in this piece. Looking forward to more!
Thank you Mimi for this posting. Recently, I have been dealing with my mother and her medical issues. Without having children, I cant even start to think of what you go through being in the sandwich generation. My mothers medical issues are enough to keep me busy with doctor appointments, x-rays, blood work and other appointments. It is hard enough to juggle all that. You have put a great amount of work into this writing to be able to explain your feels and how it is to be in the middle of the two generations. Thank you for this wonderful story. Gerrit
ReplyDeleteI agree with the comments above. Your life does seem hectic but the way you have explained it to the readers, you do not seem to mind, in fact as you say, "you've missed it." The story paints a picture of your family in which I already like your father, especially with the sentence "I signed him up for Meals on Wheels, but he cancelled it after one day saying they gave him broccoli and he doesn’t like broccoli." I found that sentence to show some kind of humor. Even though you talk about life in the majority of the story, I thought adding where you are from in the last paragraph was pretty good. I would have connected where you from and your busy life a little bit but I when I was reading, I wanted to know where you were from and in the last paragraph you answer my question. You have a clean crisp writing and I enjoyed it.
ReplyDelete