It was hard enough to convince myself that I needed to open up and write about myself and now I need to defend that decision and convince my readers I was right. Yow. What makes me think that I have something worthwhile to say? Maybe because I’m an observer.
I’m also an introvert. Now if you ever took the Myers-Briggs personality type indicator, you would know that the word introversion doesn’t necessarily imply shyness. As based on the theories of Swiss psychiatrist, Carl Jung, introversion simply means you are inward-turning. Interacting with people and being around noise and activity draw on an introvert’s energy so that they need to retreat to a quiet place to reflect and regroup, while extraverts get energy FROM the commotions of everyday life and crave that outward stimulation.
I spend my work day in a cube on a floor with more than 100 cubes and teams rooms in a building with nearly 600 people who work on the same program. I wear headphones, but they don’t keep out the noise, the ringing phones, the flashing instant messages, or the inbox full of emails waiting to be read and acted upon. At the end of the day, I get into my quiet car, close my eyes and take a few deep breaths before I turn on the engine. Carpool? I don’t think I could do it.
I’ve been depicted as bashful, but I really am not afraid to speak. Instead I choose to listen and reflect on what people say and do and to think before I open my mouth. I speak when I have something to say. Why do so many people feel like they have to respond to EVERY comment they hear? Or reiterate their opinion five different ways or, worse, the same way over and over? And why do they argue their views in long form to others who they know already think the same way? Why do they talk louder and faster when others try to make their own point? It doesn’t make them more credible, and I fully admit that I often tune people out who talk too much, too long and too loudly. Being a listener and an observer gives me a unique view of the world and I think makes me the kind of person that people may not notice at first, but come back to because they know that I’ll tell them the truth and not just what they want to hear.
A note pad of some sort is my constant companion. I’m a doodler and a list maker, both written and visual. I write down ideas that I want to give more thought to or research further. Most of those bits and pieces would mean nothing to anyone but me. I showed someone the unedited bank of photos I took on my recent trip to Italy. I could tell that the viewer thought it was odd how many of my photos were not of the usual monuments and museums, but of interesting patterns on marble floors and in rock gardens, of people I didn’t know sipping wine in a cafe, of old ladies leaning out windows, and of close-ups of a drawing or mosaic. Yes, I meant to cut off the head of the sculpture because it was the position of the hands that intrigued me, not the entire piece. Who knows when those photos might be inspiration for my own landscaping, or painting, or short story?
Relationships are another area when I am often the observer, at least at first. I’m not one of those people who start a new job and by lunch the first day is planning what they’ll do that evening with their new “best friends.” Friendship takes a while for me. I’m not aloof by any means. In fact I’m very pleasant and like to smile, I just don’t reveal much about myself and my personal life to those I’ve just met. Again I sit back and listen and figure out what makes other people tick.
My sister is my exact opposite. As children, she made friends quickly and easily while I hung back. Today she is still surrounded by lots of people, while I mingle with just a few at a time. The difference is that her friendships come and go; once I bring someone into the sacred trust of friendship, they are there to stay. I’m still in constant contact with pals I met in grade school, college and during our first Air Force assignment nearly 30 years ago.
I’ve also found that first impressions are usually wrong. Some of my closest friends today are those who I didn’t particularly care for upon first acquaintance and situations that I felt were not in my comfort zone became some of my most cherished memories. As the years passed, I have come to understand that my need to study, examine, and observe works for me and I actually embrace that part of myself.
You've shared quite a bit of great information about yourself in this week's assignment. I, too, am a list maker, have been since I was a boy and my mother used to tell me "You need a list before you can go the throne (southern slang for commode)!"
ReplyDeleteI can tell that you have and continue to fight to convince yourself that you should open up more. It's perfectly natural of course, you being humble. Which made this last assignment a particular challenge for you. As you mention in the open, it took you some time to convince yourself that you needed to open up. You got over that hurdle only to be asked to explain why you should quiet down.
That's why it is particularly tough for me to offer this criticism of your writing. As always, I say this only out of a desire to help, not to put down. But, there were part of the assignment in which you appeared to be defending your stance from the devil's advocate rather than playing the role of devil's advocate.
Don't misunderstand, the material you have here is great. You break down your own personality to the nuts and bolts. I can't help but think that you might have been better served,and this would have been tough, to write using that innermost voice of doubt that we all have. You ask "What gives you the right?" early in this blog entry. What would that little voice add to its argument? I don't know what it would say, but certainly that voice has reasons why it doubts your authority.
You're doing a great job and this was a great read. I look forward to future submissions.
Mimi, I like in the first paragraph, how you pose the question, "What makes me think..." and then immediately answer it. You don't even give the devil's advocate in this assignment time to answer the question. Instead, you pose the question more as a hypothetical one and then put your doubter in their place. "Because I'm an observer." Period. You show your strength here. Great job!
ReplyDeleteYou then continue, in great detail, with specifics that makes you a good observer. From your specific photos to your friend selection and your slowness to speak - you reinforce your point well.
The only thing I am left wanting to know is how you are going to use your astute observation skills to write about yourself? In looking so closely to things and people around you, do you find nuggets of information to share about yourself?
This assignment was difficult for me. The only way I could figure out to comfortably question my authority was to take on the role of the devil's advocate totally. Instead of writing about myself, I wrote about Michelle, if that makes sense; I tried to step outside of myself for the assignment. I'm not sure if it was the right approach, but it seems like you started in that voice as well. When you pose the question, it is as if the writer is the doubter, not Mimi. Then, the writer turns back into Mimi. (I'm painting us both to be quite bipolar!)
I think you bring together your writing very well - from start to finish. You describe yourself and your personality in great detail. After reading this, I feel like at least a couple more layers of that onion have been peeled back, revealing deep personality traits.
I look forward to reading more about you.
It is very interesting in your writings that you state that you are an introvert. I am myself an introvert and have a lot of the same feelings that you have. I enjoy work, social, outgoing but when I get in that car, I drive with the windows open, no radio, just me and the breeze no matter if it is 100 degrees out or 45 degrees. I need that time to let the wind take away all the noise and troubles of the day. You open yourself up every week to another great writing that express your feelings in a way that makes me want to read your blog the minute I see. Thank you for another great post.
ReplyDeleteThis is a beautiful post, M. Each week I see you opening up a bit more with your writing. It’s not easy. Even in this post, you write about yourself until the second to last paragraph, where suddenly your sister enters the picture. It’s almost like you needed to take the focus off yourself for the sake of comfort, in the same way that you can only bake in the sun for so long before you have to jump back into the pool to cool off.
ReplyDeleteObservation and creativity go hand in hand. I see the facets of your creative mind in this post, particularly in the section about how you’re drawn to details in your photographs – details that other people wouldn’t even notice. You see the “seeds” of inspiration everywhere.
I found this portion of your post particularly resonant: “Being a listener and an observer gives me a unique view of the world and I think makes me the kind of person that people may not notice at first, but come back to because they know that I’ll tell them the truth and not just what they want to hear.”
This is a great thesis. (Take out the “I think.”) The key word in that sentence is, “because.” You have something unique to say because you are an observer. Here, you tell us the “why,” or the “so what?” of your chosen topic. You tell us why observers are important, and why they have value.
I see Pleasnt’s point about your angle here. In a sense, you’ve told us why you should write about yourself, when in theory your Devil’s Advocate would have argued why you should not write about yourself, you have nothing to say, this is not an original idea, etc. But the thoughts you’ve articulated here are seeds, too. They will help you as you continue to write and focus during the rest of the semester.
I want you to think more about why you should write about yourself. What do you think is the value in writing about self? What might other people have to gain from reading about you, or from writing about themselves?
How might your writing inspire others? What have you learned so far? You say that people come to you because you tell them the truth. Why are truth and honesty important when it comes to writing and/or creativity? You don’t have to answer all these questions, of course, but these are just some ideas to get your mind working. Maybe you have a memoir project in the works here. Just a thought.
Your writing is smooth, engaging and refreshing, as always. Thanks for another great post!