In keeping with my commitment to "put myself out there," I'm posting my real resume (with cites and names changed) and kind of a random cover letter. One similar to this actually got me an interview.
I know the resume is way too long (sorry reviewer group) and makes me look like more of a doer instead of a thinker. I figured I might as well get expert advice on how to improve it since I actually would like to change jobs. Thanks, Mimi
123 Anywhere Trail
Shilo, TX 12355-6788
June 10, 2011
Office of Human Resources
University of Fort Worth
300 College Drive
Fort Worth, TX 12345-6789
Re: Job #P6038
Dear Ms Simpson,
I was pleased to find your recent announcement for a Communications Director. As I have had success in a similar position, I think I have the experience, skills and commitment you need in an office as important as Enrollment Management.
Although I am presently working in the corporate world, I have nearly 20 years of experience in Marketing Communications for non-profit agencies, including five at Thomas Jefferson Community College in Somewhere, Virginia. As Marketing Director/Asst. Director of Public Relations at an urban institution, I was responsible for all aspects of research and recruitment strategy to include publications and the college Web site. My campaign materials won awards. The campaign itself won success – a 20% increase in enrollment.
I’m highly computer literate and am well versed in planning promotions from budget to creative development to prepress to delivery. My competence with market segmentation, community relations, and Web development would be an asset to your organization. I thrive on tight deadlines and my specialty is doing great things with small budgets.
As I’ve worked in many places and with many people both in the U.S. and overseas, I am easily adaptable and able to work productively in widely varying situations and with a variety of personalities. I don’t wait for things to happen. I’m a team builder, communicator, and producer with the ability to respond with creative and effective solutions.
My accomplishments, training and expertise are a matter of record I hope you will examine. I look forward to meeting you and your colleagues and discussing in person how my qualifications and experience might best benefit the University of Ft. Worth.
Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Mimi Muse
555-555-5555
222-222-2222
mimismuse@hotmail.com
Mimi A. Muse
123 Anywhere Trail, Shilo, TX 12355-6788 mimismuse@hotmail.com 222-222-2222
PROFESSIONAL PROFILE
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EXPERIENCE SUMMARY
DDD, Senior Communications Professional March 2007- present
▪ Organizational Change Management consultant on the USAF TEST System which, when complete, will impact more than 250,000 service members and civilian employees
▪ Focal point for all program visual communications from concept to planning, design, review, distribution, and measurement. Products include Web-based, print and video projects including brochures, fact sheets, animated PowerPoint briefings, CBEs, and press releases to provide the latest news and leadership perspective tailored to the specific needs of various stakeholders
▪ Work closely with other OCM work streams including Local Participation, Readiness and Measurement, Workforce Development, Training, Policy and Compliance, and Executive Relationship Management. Generate up-to-date materials, provide input for project team surveys, build executive leadership briefings including animations, create storyboards and video scripts, and provide support for the creation of job aids and education materials
▪ Serve as the communications liaison for various technical work streams including the Release Services, Testing, and Solution Architecture teams. Work with subject matter experts to collect information for use in publications and briefings for senior leaders and field agents. Adept at “decoding” scientific and technical terms for a general audience.
▪ Coordinate efforts to showcase the TEST program at various trade show events including the annual Air Force Pilots Association Conference which attracted the attention and comments from the Air Force Chief of Staff. Included booth design, collateral media, briefings, hands-on training materials, and video production
▪ Collaborate with and provide counsel for executive leadership to include direct interface with ECSS Program Executive; created processes and procedures to ensure ECSS program team members at all levels are supported and engaged through multi-directional communications that are timely, accurate, compelling and span a variety of channels in order to achieve program integration.
▪ Assist in providing metrics and analysis to ID issues and risks that need executive attention
▪ Provide weekly program updates and assistance on presentations for a Transformation Advisory Board consisting of an elite team of former senior military leaders, supply chain experts, and corporate executives
▪ Research and create content on technical program developments and key initiatives for publication in client media including articles on the successful TEST blueprint, risk and issue management, release strategy and fielding, and supply chain best practices.
▪ Responsible for writing and implementing internal and external communication plans and processes; communications program was recognized by CMMI certification team at its successful Level 3 out brief.
▪ Respond to media inquiries, draft press releases and media briefings and serve as “brand ambassador” for corporate office. Prepare communication products and trade show media for business development
Johnson Carriers/Johnson Global Logistics, Program Manager/Communications Lead 2003-2007
▪ Managed the creation of all marketing collateral for a multi-million $ global logistics and transportation LLC and its subsidiaries to include real estate, heavy equipment sales, hospitality and NASCAR sponsorship
▪ Managed corporate public relations effort including press releases and providing editorial content and graphics for corporate Web site; represented company at trade shows and business events
▪ Consulted on Web tools used for rate quotes, shipment tracing, and other customized logistics solutions empowering customers to access information and conduct transactions in a secure, user-friendly environment at their convenience
▪ Working directly with company owner and VPs, planned strategies to facilitate successful service expansion from 22 states and 92 terminals, to 50 states, Canada, Puerto Rico and more than 200 terminals. Included system redesign, identification and resolution of key issues, analysis of community trends, and outreach to local workforce and economic development organizations
▪ Led branding effort; positioned company in industry as a leader in logistics management services to include third-party logistics, retail conversions, merge in-transit programs, inventory control, cost analysis, warehousing, materials handling, transportation management, and packaging
▪ Established internal communications program which showcased employee accomplishments, strengthened link with management and geographically separated offices, greatly increasing morale and participation in company initiatives
▪ Incorporated department as an in-house agency, creating repeatable processes and procedures that streamlined the development of marketing materials and saved more than $10K in the first weeks
▪ Worked with logistics managers to execute comprehensive transit time maps, distribution plans and route guides
▪ Produced effective training videos in-house, saved $1000’s in production costs, ensured most up-to-date training info.
Weber Enterprises, Maintenance Analyst, Any Air Force Base, TX 2003
▪ Coordinated and performed a range of duties to include operational support activities for the squadron and liaison with operating units and flights in the resolution of day-to-day administrative and operational problems.
▪ Scheduled/coordinated meetings, travel arrangements, budgets, and appointments for commander/vice commander.
▪ Composed and edited memoranda including advanced page and paragraph formatting, prepared complex briefings and briefing templates, military travel orders and officer and enlisted performance reports. Provided content and graphics for intranet site. Managed projects and conducted procurement activities.
Self-Employed, Marketing Communications (spouse ill) 1998-2008
▪ Created promotion plans as well as text and graphics for newsletters, ads, Web pages, brochures, etc. for businesses, private organizations and non-profit agencies both for payment and as a volunteer. Wrote business plan, managed budget, schedule, distribution and self-promotion
Thomas Jefferson Comm. College, Marketing Director/Asst. Dir. for Public Relations 1997- 2002
▪ Conceptualized content/links for new college Website, conducted focus groups to gauge effectiveness for various audiences, promoted use, managed content and provided periodic updates; nearly 40% increase in hits
▪ Carried out all aspects of key marketing publications to include budget, photography, copywriting and editing, graphic design, print/direct mail coordination; received state awards “Best Recruitment Campaign,” “Best Viewbook”
▪ Led cross-functional teams with president, administrators, faculty, staff, students; instrumental in increased recruitment of students and creation of first-ever student ambassador program to boost school and community relations
▪ Served on property acquisition and facility reutilization team during the college’s expansion into Williamsburg
▪ Managed premiere major gifts campaign, produced and developed video, electronic media, and print marketing materials and solicitations; focal point for campaign that surpassed its goal by over $1 million
▪ Responsible for writing successful grant which resulted in funding for benchmark marketing research; data enabled successful, targeted plan to reach non-traditional students
▪ Lead change management communications effort for the college’s Enterprise Resource Planning system which radically refined business processes and introduced integrated software (PeopleSoft) for numerous functions including budget, procurement, billing, workplans, HR, and admissions. Responsible for managing all employee communications and workforce related issues related to the massive process changes
▪ Maintained stewardship/prospect database; developed a disciplined follow-up with significant results
▪ Responsible for public relations aspects of program to include spokesperson for internal/community events, management of speakers’ bureau, cultivating media relations, press releases, crisis communications
▪ Scripted/directed persuasive radio spots, television commercials and award-winning campaign videos
▪ Supervised Web master, writer, print/graphics department and office staff of seven
USAF Services Division, Skills Development Center Director Jul 1996 – Jul 1997
▪ Program manager; managed all elements of a multi-tasked operation; responsible for vendor contracts, finance, procurement of supplies, manufacture of products and quality control, display and distribution, and inventory control
▪ Increased staff productivity with new processes and procedures, managed income and expense budget; took the helm of a sinking ship and generated a profit for first time in three years
▪ Developed interest surveys; used information to implement innovative programs; boosted young adult use by 30%; Generated and maintained a customer database and direct mail campaign geared to specified interests; resulted in marked increase in participation and revenue
▪ Developed curriculum for and taught classes in a variety of media including painting, drawing, ceramics, jewelry making, and matting and framing
USAF Services Division, Program Manager /Marketing Director (3 Bases) Feb 1982 – Jul 1996
▪ Produced or oversaw production (2-6 employees) of a variety of successful print and electronic promotional pieces including monthly brochures, flyers, posters, electronic signage, e-mails, etc.
▪ Conducted research, led focus groups, formulated marketing plans for all base recreation activities to include: youth center, auto shop, gymnasium, aquatics facilities, restaurants, golf course, and clubs
▪ Chosen as test base for new Air Force credit card; provided publicity and employed organization change management strategies to encourage acceptance
▪ Project lead for development of programs for deployed service member families, briefed leadership on morale activities
▪ Worked closely with commanders and First Sergeants to plan and publicize on-base morale events targeting young airmen resulting in significant decrease in alcohol-related incidents
▪ Organized events and published internal newsletter which greatly improved cohesiveness among local national and American workers; credited with helping to avert a strike
▪ Implemented highly successful corporate sponsorship program; initial year -- top performing base; hosted weekly radio show and scripted other radio and television spots
Education:
MS in Interactive Communications in progress – Quinnipiac University (expected Dec 2012)
BFA – Some Little College, MI, Indiana University
Continuing Education - Marketing, HTML and Web design, Organizational Change Management, Photoshop, etc.
Six week in-residence Air Force Supervisors Training Course, Randolph AFB, TX
Train the Trainer, Total Quality Management, Covey Training, Introduction to CMMI
.
Enabling Technologies: Extensive training and experience with Adobe Creative Suite (InDesign, Photoshop, Illustrator, Flash, Dreamweaver, Acrobat Pro), Microsoft Office Suite (Word, Excel, Access, Publisher, Outlook, and PowerPoint), SharePoint, Lotus Notes, Corel Draw. Good working knowledge of HTML, Project, FrontPage, Visio, Quark, Blackboard, Camtasia, Adobe Premiere
Security Clearance: NAC in effect. Secret Clearance in abeyance due to position resignation
Community Involvement: Active member of mission team at local church; team member for Kairos Prison Ministry and Fort Worth Emmaus; Shilo Youth Wrestling Booster; Fort Worth Art Institute Member. Coordinated mission effort to Ecuador in 2008.
References: Available upon request
Wow, you certainly have been a busy bee in our professional career and you have quite the detailed resume to show for it. You express concern in your opening paragraphs about the length of your resume. I hesitate to agree with you because so much of what you have included could tip the scale in your favor in the job seeking process. I think the use of bullets throughout the resume help to "break up the gray" as we say in print journalism. Instead of presenting your information in block paragraph form, which looks overwhelming to the eye, you've made for yourself a list that is much easier to attack as a reader.
ReplyDeleteThe line items themselves are a bit on the long side, but I can't honestly think of a way to shorten them. I read over them all and the only one that I could make an improvement on was "▪ Focal point for all program visual communications from concept to planning, design, review, distribution, and measurement. Products include Web-based, print and video projects including brochures, fact sheets, animated PowerPoint briefings, CBEs, and press releases to provide the latest news and leadership perspective tailored to the specific needs of various stakeholders" which I shortened to just "▪ Focal point for all program visual communications from concept to planning, design, review, distribution, and measurement. Products include Web-based, print and video projects including brochures, fact sheets, animated PowerPoint briefings, CBEs, and press releases to provide news and leadership perspective tailored to the specific needs of stakeholders." Not much of a change.
As I've already stated, each item is well written and sends the message that you are a competent worker. Also, your line of work strikes me as a very detail-oriented field. I am overwhelmed reading the scope of your duties and can't help but think that this detailed resume will serve you well within this field.
On your cover letter, you've done a very good job of getting right to the point. My only worry, and it's something I am prone to, is that you state "I think I have the experience." That's genuine humility, which I respect, but I think (no pun intended) that you would be better served to just go with "I have the experience." Be bold. No one will mind.
Overall both your letter and resume are high quality. Very detailed yet concise. Yes, even at this length, you are concise. Good stuff.
My favorite lines in your cover letter: "...an asset to your organization. I thrive on tight deadlines and my specialty is doing great things with small budgets." You sell yourself and you do it well. Asset, thrive, deadlines, small budgets - all key words that grab the attention of hiring supervisors. Great job.
ReplyDeleteMy only concern with your cover letter is that you build your confidence in yourself as you go. You open with: "As I have had success in a similar position, I think I have the experience, skills and commitment you need in an office as important as Enrollment Management." I agree with Will here - don't say you think you have the experience. You know you do, or you wouldn't be applying for this position. Don't hedge - just say it. (I know that's so hard to do sometimes! You don't want to come across as egotistical or cocky - but you don't want to come across as being unsure of yourself either. It's a fine line. I'd err on the side of confidence.)
I like your statement in the second paragraph about how you've won awards. I want to know what awards! Can you quickly name two here? For instance, "My work has won the Best Darn Publication Award, the Great Mimi Award and others."
Overall, your cover letter is clear and concise and grabs my attention with your vast experience, recognition for your work and your confidence that builds toward the end.
For your resume - wow! You are a multi-faceted professional! Your resume shows incredible experience and knowledge. Yes, it's long, but it's to the point. I don't have a solution to making it shorter.
Great work!
Hello: I really like the layout of your resume and cover letter. I would agree with you that your resume is a bit long, but as others suggested, it is hard to cut down on something we are passionate about. On Writing Well has suggested a couple of different ways to cut words out of our writing that aren't necessary to our writings. There are some typos in the cover letter also. And I would agree with Michelle's comments about selling yourself short with your confidence. Great work,
ReplyDeleteOh ya, also with the design of the resume, you should never have only one word on a line, that is a widow in typography. You also have your dates on two lines, I would suggest moving them down to the second line and in the end of your categories, you have education: then the information on the second line, where Enabling Technologies: you have it following, I would pick on and follow that standard.
ReplyDeleteYou're right on the look, GM - I completely ignored the look for the content.Probably not a smart thing to do.
ReplyDeleteMimi, your cover letter is a pleasure to read because you frame your experience in terms of what you can do for the company. Too often, these letters end up overtly saying “this position would be so great for me.” Instead of focusing on what you need, you turn to their needs with phrases like “would be an asset to your organization” and “how my qualifications and experience might best benefit the University of Ft. Worth.” (Although I might say, “would best benefit.” Confidence, right?)
ReplyDeleteYou have strong content and tone here, so I combed your letter for places where you could streamline the language and make it quicker to digest. Instead of “I was pleased to find,” you might say “I write in regards to your announcement…” Like others have said, take out the “I think.” You can even take out “recent.” The company knows it was recent.
I see some other areas where one word can take the place of two or three. “I was responsible for all aspects of research” might reduce to “I managed all aspects etc. etc.” or “I coordinated.” The phrase “I am presently working” is passive. Active voice would turn it into, “I presently work.”
I agree with MBQ that a quick mention of a specific award would add weight to your second paragraph. You could also cut out “won success” since the fact about the increased enrollment implies the success. The campaign resulted in a 20% increase in enrollment. Great detail. I love your line about “doing great things with small budgets.” Instead of “my specialty is,” you could make it active with “I specialize in.”
Your resume is indeed concise and persuasive. Your list items are long, but you focus on an action verb at the beginning of each one that directs us to what you did and what you contributed. You use “data” well with lines like “saved $10K within the first weeks” and “40% increase in hits.” The simple fact is that you’ve done a lot. Considering the depth of your experience, you do a great job giving us the highlights!
Under your current job description, I might take out “Responsible for writing and implementing” and get right to the verbs “Write and implement.” In most cases, you can take out adverbs such as “greatly increase.” While I appreciate metaphors like “took the helm of a sinking ship,” I might leave them out of such a comprehensive resume, in the interest of conserving space. If you could summarize all of this experience in, say, two sentences, you might consider putting an objective statement at the top of the resume that highlights the skills that best relate to the position you want, and that articulates what you will contribute.
Great job on both letter and resume. Thank you for sharing this!